I meant to update sooner but a combination of laziness and life got in the way. In any case, my therapist really pushed me to think about making a decision soon, mostly because my indecision is making me anxious and depressed. We did what she called a “gut check” exercise. She pulled out a quarter and said, “Heads you transition; tails you don’t.” She flipped it and it came up heads. She asked me how I felt and I was a little surprised to feel a mixture of relief and happiness. So that’s what my gut is telling me right now. We also set a fake “decision deadline” so that I can actively start taking control of my journey.
By Wednesday, August 3, I will decide if I’m going to transition. Even though I know it’s not going to be enforced, it’s kind of nice to have a deadline. I’ve always worked better with deadlines.
I’m getting pretty frustrated with my weight. I’m overweight. I currently weigh more than I’ve ever weighed in my life, and I’m pretty sure Lyrica is to blame. I take it for nerve pain due to a herniated disc, and a common side effect is weight gain. Apparently it slows the metabolism. Yay. Due to all my physical problems I can’t exercise (beyond some super basic stuff) so I’m trying to control everything through diet. I’m trying keto because I’ve heard so many good things, both online and from a lovely couple I know who have both lost around 75+ pounds each on a keto-type diet. I lost around 8 pounds right away, then it came to a screeching halt. I’m either not doing it correctly (definitely possible) or my body is resisting. So I’m frustrated.
Being overweight definitely contributes to my dysphoria. My hips, thighs, butt and chest are all bigger and it’s driving me crazy. I’m 36 and losing weight is 100x more difficult than it was at 25. I’ve been fat on and off my whole life. I don’t want to transition and be a fat guy too. I want a masculine body. I want muscles – broad shoulders, big biceps, pecs. I’m really scared of transitioning and never passing because I’m too curvy. I also know that T typically causes weight gain. Blarg.
I’d love to hear about other weight loss experiences, and about how T affected your body if you were/are overweight. Please comment!